D.I.Y. Halloween Wreath

Halloween Wreath made from grapevine, toy snakes and spray paint.

Halloween wreath.

So Pinterest is a wealth of inspiration and with a trip to your Dollar Store and some spray paint you can make this basic snake wreath in a couple hours. For a couple more dollars you can give it some flair with a skeleton and roses. Keep reading to learn how.

Getting Started

If you have access to some vines (grapevines or Virginia creeper for example) you have a free resource. See my blog post on working with grapevines to get this basic wreath shape https://piratepieman.home.blog/2018/09/25/grapevine-time. Or, you can purchase a grapevine wreath from your local craft store. Joanne’s Fabrics and Michaels are always running a promotion or offer a coupon so depending on the size you want this could cost about $5-$10.

Supplies You Need

vine wreath
cool temp mini glue gun
wire
wire cutters
pliers
spray paint- metallic bronze
dollar store: skull, snakes, bugs, flowers, skeleton hand tongs, ribbon, mini hat

Supplies needed

Dollar Store embelishments

Assembly

I used a combination of wire and hot glue to affix the snakes and bugs to the wreath. I also wove the snakes in among the vines; do what works to keep them secure.

: Add dollar store snakes

When everything is attached begin spray painting. It is easy to miss spots because of all of the twisty vines and snakes so take time to walk around the project and turn it around so that you get an even application. This process may take a couple coats. I did mine outside so clean up was simple and the area was well ventilated.

This is where going back to Pinterest is a lot of fun. People are super creative and I was inspired by wreaths using skeletons. I found a simple skeleton head, some arms and black roses with eyeballs at the Dollar Store. As you can see I thought I would use the black spooky fabric in my design but instead used some gold mesh ribbon; do what appeals to you. I poked holes in the back of the skull and threaded wire through to secure it to the wreath.

I got my Halloween Box up from the basement and repurposed a costume headband. I found the key to this project was the even application of the snakes all around the wreath and then using a pop of color to add some luxury and visual interest.

In past years I have hung the basic snake wreath with just a bow and I liked how the snakes are camouflaged and hidden in the simple design. However this year I decided to change things and added embellishments. About every other year I find I get a little tired of my designs and I take items off or just add new elements so that I am excited to see it on display.

Happy Halloween!

Grapevine Time!

In 2011 my husband James innocently brought home a Niagara Grape Vine and asked me “where should we plant it?” I thought our stark chainlink fence separating the front and back yards would be a nice structure to support the vine and, into the ground it went. On September 8th, 2013 we got our first (and best) harvest of grapes.

Niagara Grapes, West Michigan 2013

Niagara Grape Harvest

Niagara Grape Jelly 2013

Single Niagara Grape vine growing on fence in 2018.

It was a big project but I made some mediocre grape jelly which was tasty but runny. Most years we allow the birds (often Cardinals) to have the grapes (and raisins); the primary harvest for myself has been the VINE! Since I started using grapevines for projects in 2014 I have learned a few things about crafting with vines, here is what you need to know:

Supplies:

Gloves
Pruning shears
Measuring tape (so you know how big your wreath will be)

There is a sweet spot for working with grapevines. Too soon and you might as well be working with asparagus, too late and you are working with toothpicks. I have made both of these errors. This photo shows the magic balance between green vines and drier areas that are darker in appearance. If the canes are too dry they can be soaked in water to make them less brittle and if they are too green you can let them dry out a day, maybe two. Even if the canes break or splinter you can continue to make loops and wrap them up. When the globes or wreaths are dry you can adjust the vines to improve the overall appearance.

I usually start from the ends of the individual vines and remove leaves with my hands and then with sheers trim the tendrils away from the fencing and other vines to produce a pile of canes. I sort the largest canes for bigger wreaths and begin arranging them in circles using the longest most flexible vines to wrap around the bulk to secure the wreath.

Vines stripped of their leaves.

Wreaths set out to dry.

This year (2018) I got started a little too early and the vines were easily broken (like asparagus) but I had a lot of them so I pushed ahead anyway. As you can see one grapevine in a sunny location in West Michigan can give you a lot of material to work with.

Because in past years I have made a lot of wreathes, I was interested in trying some 3-D globes I saw on Pinterest. Off to the Dollar Tree I went for some beach balls. They worked well to hold up the vines while I wrapped them. In addition to these globes I made a smaller one freestyle without an armature; and some larger wreath shapes (since I already have some small and medium wreaths from last year.) It takes a couple days in the sun for the vines to dry and turn reddish brown. I fed my failed attempt to fashion a basket to Donald https://piratepieman.home.blog/2018/09/11/feeding-donald-our-hot-compost. It was so bad it couldn’t even be photographed well.

Grapevine wrapped beachball to create a globe.

Overlapping first few vines to secure the base shape.

I tried to keep the vine’s tendrils for visual interest.

And once your shapes have dried you are ready to start doing some crafting. I have not fully sorted out what I am going to do with my new globes so if you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments below.

Examples of how to decorate your grapevine wreaths.

Autumn wreath embellished with pinecones and artificial flowers.

I gave a wreath to my friend DeLight and she created this glorious monogrammed beauty.

Look for my tutorial on making the Halloween Wreath here:

https://piratepieman.home.blog/2018/09/26/d-i-y-halloween-wreath

Cooking Adventure: Vegan Steaks

The Mission

So as part of my daughter’s interest in vegetarianism we have been trying different protein options like tofu, seitan and tempeh. Seitan is made from vital wheat gluten (so if you do not tolerate gluten then skip this recipe) and has been a part of Buddhist vegetarian culture since the 6th century. Today a 4oz package of seitan can run almost five dollars! For that price I was pretty motivated to see if I could make it myself. The internet was happy to accommodate, and lead me to Sam Turnbull’s website: https://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/vegan-seitan-steak/ who provided lovely photos and encouragement.

Encouragement which was needed because not only do you need to mix and knead the ingredients but you also need to steam the steaks and then grill them- Whew! This puts the project solidly in what I call the “casserole zone” which is a zone of contempt; because I have no patience for double cooking (e.g. cooking noodles, mixing and baking) takes hours- ugh. At the moment I have more time than money so here we go!

fullsizeoutput_aaf — Seitan being made at my home.

The Adventure

Ingredients for the vegan seitan steaks were simple and included lentils, vital wheat gluten and some seasonings; including nutritional yeast and smoke flavoring which I had on hand but many people may not. I was instructed to mix well, which I did in the food processor, knead the dough on the counter, and shape with a rolling pin. So, I forgot the pepper (oops) and swapped ketchup for tomato paste because I was out. It was very much like making bread. My steamer is an insert designed to work with a sauce pan and encouraged the steaks to curl but they did puff up like suggested. I used maple syrup for the marinate and added the pepper forgotten previously. Here are some photos of the steaks before and after being steamed.

Being formed.

Steamed seitan steaks

The whole process takes quite a while; 15 min. to make the dough, 5 to knead it, 25 to steam them and another 30 to marinate the steaks…where are we? Oh, two hours later you can deliver them grilled to the table.

fullsizeoutput_ab2 — Grilled Seitan steaks.

fullsizeoutput_ab5 — Seitan steak sliced with broccoli and egg noodles.

The Results

Overall we were pretty happy with the results. It was tasty, and had a better basic flavor then the prepared seitan from the store. I’ve had better results getting a crunchy caramelized finish with frying smaller un-marinated pieces and glazing them with sauce at the end (instead of marinating.) For example, sauces having a higher sugar content like Soy Veh Marinade & Sauce- Veri Veri Teriyaki or Stubbs BBQ Sauce. In this instance the sugar in the marinate burned pretty quickly and prevented the seitan from getting crispy around the edges. Many recipes will have you boil the dough for up to an hour in broth; which is an approach I have not tried but I imagine would change the texture and make it softer, less meaty.

As a basic starting point this recipe was very good. The spice profile of a basic seitan dough could be changed to suit your recipe (Mexican, Italian etc) and it can be frozen for use later; which makes the long prep worthwhile when it means quick prep for less coin on a busy week night. I will put the leftovers in some burritos with grilled bell peppers and onions. I think I will defiantly make this again to use in soups and stir fries. I also like getting the long strips this approach facilitates because the prepared packages often come in irregular shapes.

If you are interested in seeing how seitan is made from basic all purpose flour (instead of packaged vital wheat gluten) I found this video from 2009 https://youtu.be/s9vHa66Bm5E. It is worth checking out just to read the funny comments- comments earned honestly! But I doubt I will ever go to the trouble of making seitan from scratch. If I do, I think I will have to create a “seitan-zone” to use when I refer to something with contempt for being overly complicated and arduous.

Enjoy!

YouTube! What Have You Gotten Me Into?

Yes, even though I am in my late 40’s I LOVE YouTube. It has everything. It has taught me the Kitchener Stitch (a knitting technique), dog grooming, cosmetology and after watching hours of VetRanch I could probably neuter a dog (not really.)

So, YouTube talked me into replacing my 60 year old basement windows…myself (with my husband James.) In the 1980’s our mid-century ranch underwent a major expansion that added a lot of living space and created a finished living area in the basement that included replacing half of the basement windows with glass block. When we purchased the house in 2006 I always imagined I would have the rest of the windows treated similarly. Today, having more time than money I started to do a little research. I watched a collection of videos that approached the project in pretty much the same way and convinced me simple vinyl replacement windows were easier, and cheaper than glass block. Here is one that captures the essence of the work (watch out he will make you want a drywall hammer.)

Here is what I learned: I needed a window, expanding foam (low) and caulk. I had to buy a small level, because I could not find mine, otherwise I was good to go for very little coin. We did not use a chisel but instead used a very large heavy file to smooth the cement ridge we encountered.

The Old Windows

At some point previous owners covered the windows with window clings to resemble stained glass; maybe to distract from the cracks or because they had things in their basement more valuable then cat turds.

Old windows held together with window clings. Notice significant *spooky* spider activity.

The detail that I glossed over was his use of a Sawzall and if you have very keen observation skills you will notice that my window frames are steel and married to the house with cement (not the easy going modern wood frame structures other more fortunate people might encounter.) The first window went pretty smoothly so we ran to the store and bought two more. Installing three windows took the entire day. The most harrowing moments were encountered trying to demolish the old window frames. The steel casings didn’t want to budge and we used a hack saw in order to weaken them enough to pull them out. Twice we thought “Oh shit we have destroyed this window (and have made a big hole in our house) and we will need a professional (we can’t afford) to finish the project.”

Demolition and the “will it fit?” moment…

The New Windows

His advice for measuring both inside and outside was important. While each window looked similar each had different measurements by 1/4 inch but we settled on one window size for all. We removed the screen and glass so that we could install the frame and then just re install the window after we were done, this step (not mentioned in this video) was helpful and I recommend doing it. The window was a good pick and the plastic trim along the edges of the frame was easy to cut off to adjust the fit. The slide-show below highlights the window we purchased, the foaming in and the trimming of foam.

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Expanding foam really expands and as you can see I went way overboard. I read elsewhere that trimming it like we did lowers the ‘R value’ (according to https://www.energy.gov/energysaver/weatherize/insulation thermal resistance or R-value — the higher the R-value, the greater the insulating effectiveness) and it is better just to push the bubbles back into the frame so I did that were I could. My foam application technique improved with each window but it was pretty fun to work with and hard to refrain from using the ‘more is more’ philosophy. Trust me with expanding foam ‘less is more.’

Finishing With Caulk

My husband and I, and the friendly guy at Lowes, went around and around about whether to use cement caulk or regular caulk and then we went with Silicone. Working with 100% Silicone Calk was not fun. I have done my fair share of work with painters caulk and don’t be fooled they are NOT THE SAME. The reason for using 100% silicone was how well it adheres to a variety of materials. In this case we had wood, vinyl and cement and we needed it to perform well indoors and out. 100% silicone is much softer initially and does not lay down a tidy bead like was highlighted by my Canadian muse Jeff Thorman (what a great name, no wonder he sold me on the drywall hammer.) It wanted to drip and puddle so I learned to apply a little and allow it to set up and then smooth it into place with a plastic putty knife. Not pictured was the masking tape used to keep foam or caulk from sticking to the pretty new window but Mr Thorman recommended it and he was right. I was unsure about selecting grey caulk instead if white but hoped it would soften the transition to the cement (which I think it does) however it is still shiny even when dry which I didn’t anticipate. I used the same product inside even though this type of caulk can not be painted; because the walls surrounding the window are unfinished (unlike in the YouTube video) and if they are eventually finished it will be covered up by drywall and not painted.

The Highlights

Over all, the project took about 8 hours the first day (to demolish old windows and install new) and two hours the second (to trim/poke the foam and apply caulk.) I spent a lot of time outside on my stomach or knees while James was inside on the ladder in the basement with his head in a spider webs (it sounds dirty and it was.) Here is a list of everything we used:

Ladder
Hammer
Pry-bar
Heavy metal file
Hacksaw
Gloves
Goggles
Blanket (so I was not sitting in the mud)
Pencil
Measuring tape
Level
Masking tape
Windows
Caulk
Expanding Foam *for Windows and Doors*
Putty knife
Utility knife
Paper towels
Task brush/broom
Teenager to make Mac N Cheese while you shower because you can’t use your arms anymore.

Like Childbirth, Eventually You Forget The Pain.

The pain of refinishing twin 80 year old Simmons pressed metal dressers. I mentioned in a previous post that this summer my mother in law moved into assisted living and the home she built and lived in for 60 years was sold. There was a lot of sorting and deciding what artifacts we wanted to become a part of our hoard and what was going to have to find its own new path. My husband and I have never invested much in furniture and my now 14 year old daughter was still using the dresser we got at Target to house her baby clothes; so we brought home two Simmons pressed metal dressers. These dressers had been living in her basement holding her linens and gift wrap for fifty years.

simmons pressed metal furniture — 1930’s catalog insert for Simmons furniture collection.

The dressers had been painted multiple times so I naively set out to strip them and paint at least one for my daughter. During my research I stumbled across what hipsters are doing with these dressers and found this:

Similar pressed metal dresser advertised on Urbanremainschicago.com

So with too much time on my hands I got started.

IT WAS HELL. It took MONTHS to strip all the paint meanwhile I was parking in the driveway (while the dressers lived it up in the garage), I sustained chemical burns (yes I did try CitriStrip and it was too cute to get the job done) and ruined quiet a few outfits and one pair of shoes. I started in March before it got too hot but that discouraged the CitriStrip from working; and when it got hot my rubber chemical resistant gloves filled with sweat that would pour out every time I lifted my hands. Hell I say!

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As you can see both dressers were stripped, one is finished and has become part of the family however the other one continues to sit in the garage rusting. Here is why: I read Michelle Hinckley’s blog (of course only after I was deep into the project) and I was not sure if it was providing me an inspiration or warning?

Her blog post was hilarious, and I felt so much better after seeing what she went through but I had no idea how to achieve that finish! It was heavenly and magical and I want it. My husband did a test area with steel wool and it became a mirror finish. OH-HELL-NO. So what do I do?

Perhaps I should take my childbirth analogy to heart; polish the dresser, accept it’s flaws, and seal it with furniture wax and bring it into the guest bedroom for the winter. When the pain of labor from this past summer fades I can continue to try to get that smooth even finish Michelle Hinckley wisely paid someone else to deliver.

Gardening = Heartbreak

Five years ago a majestic Maple tree in my front yard was torn apart by wind and had to be removed leaving a tragic scar. I have never done any serious landscape work and found myself pretty overwhelmed. I wanted to hire people, my husband did not. He wanted to level it and plant grass and I wanted a garden with flowers. So, it sat untouched for years; which allowed the tree roots to decompose. Last year my husband and I (mostly my husband) moved the Vinca and turned the soil to kill the crabgrass and outlined the bed. Finally, this summer I threw myself into planting my garden. Lots of credit should go to the Better Homes and Gardens “Garden Plan Finder” https://www.bhg.com/gardening/garden-plan-finder/?psrc=MN_R804BRM1455GF I used the “Property Line Garden” https://www.bhg.com/gardening/plans/special-spots/property-line-garden/ as my primary inspiration however selection of the individual plants was inspired by plants that worked for my neighbors or my neighbors gave me, one’s I loved, and nuisance plants I could dig up for free.

Things went pretty well and while it was hot, sweaty, dirty work I started to enjoy myself. When I had other stuff to do I would ignore it and spend time in the garden. I lovingly watered and fertilized and the plants thrived. What I didn’t see coming was the heartbreak.

First Year planting of Property Line Garden West Michigan.

It started with the Deer; whatever the internet or plant care tags say, Deer will eat whatever they decide to eat. Bee’s, there are a lot of bees and much to my dismay cute little bumble bees sting (they are not flying pandas); and so do yellow jackets. Cicada killers are just scary, but didn’t sting me. Sadly, I fall into the category of people who have “moderately severe allergic reaction to bee stings.” And, spider bites, so throw in spiders too. And plants die, or threaten to die and because you love them you will buy potions and do research, trying to keep them alive but you may not know until spring if you succeed.

I am not sure I would begin calling myself a gardener anytime soon, however my garden continues to try to charm me with its finer points including the frogs and toads and caterpillars and squirrels munching mushrooms (which is seriously too cute) and even the spooky stuff is kinda cool (check out the stinkhorn mushrooms and benevolent garden orb weaver.)

Golden Wooly Bear

Stinkhorn Fungus

Black and Yellow Garden Spider

Cope’s Grey Tree Frog

2018 Polyphemus Moth Caterpillar

I’ll let you know if we break up in the spring, but like with most love affairs, I am accepting the good with the bad. The garden is beginning to get compliments (through the four feet of bird netting I had to put up to keep the deer out.)

2018 Property Line Garden

Pink Lemonade Sedum

Zagreb Coreopsis (front) and Perennial Salvia

Plants the deer ate: Day Lily, Red Twig Dogwood, Pink Lemonade Sedum, Purple Cone Flower, Phlox, Artemisia.

Plants the deer have not (yet) eaten: Sprinter Boxwood, Russian Sage, Zagreb Coreopsis, ~~Artemisia~~, Korean Spice Viburnum (not pictured).

Am I a Vegetarian, or am I Just Not Eating Meat?

Twenty six years ago (wow, that makes me sound really old) I was living in Michigan and attending Kalamazoo College. Like many college students I was trying to sort out what was important to me and began cooking for myself and decided to become a vegetarian. I guess I studied vegetarianism…I didn’t want to be unhealthy or give up too much. I bought books and explored nutrition. I avoided any and all foods that had animal based contents including marshmallows and gummi bears (check out this video for the gory details https://youtu.be/HOYUYr8YQpU ) and eating out often meant french fries and salad. I continued a vegetarian lifestyle until I was diagnosed with a B12 deficiency and started eating meat again in hopes of avoiding painful injections. Sadly, I was unable to avoid the injections but became pretty comfortable with eating chicken, fish and carnitas!

Today, my precocious daughter is right where I was twenty six years ago and wants to become a vegetarian. We were already eating meat products only once a week due to cost and concerns about food safety and I would be fine to proclaim my renewed vegetarianism however our freezer is still full of roasts! Also, I am not sure how I feel about ‘isms.’ According to Merriam Webster’s dictionary the definition of ism is 1: a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory, 2: an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief. They also include this quote from Joycelyn Elders, “we all have got to come to grips with our isms.”

Sooo… as a therapist and someone who values relationship over isms I am not sure how I feel about about passing up someone’s beautifully prepared meal because it contains meat. I have also learned that being flexible (and patient) is invaluable, almost a super power. So, am I a vegetarian or am I just not eating meat? In general my family eats three meals a day out of our kitchen and we are pretty selective about where we eat out. Our feelings regarding how unnecessary it is to exploit animals for their protein strengthens every time we have a satisfying meal that is meat free. I dusted off my old (and dirty) cookbook collection and after about a month we stopped missing meat as the center of the meal. I have a few “distinctive doctrines and theories” that shape my actions and now the groceries I buy. I suspect we all do… but for now, I still have some roasts in the freezer (not that my daughter will eat them.)

Tomatos and Serranos from our garden.

Home grown Anaheim’s being roasted.

My daughter harvesting mint on a chilly September day in Michigan.

Grief and a Garden Goose

2018 has been full of changes. In addition to the deaths of some dear friends and family, I have had to endure some challenging transitions. As a therapist, I am well acquainted with theories about grief and am practiced in how to offer support, but nowhere is it written you need a cement garden goose. In May, my mother-in-law Pearl moved out of the house she built with her husband in 1957 and into an assisted living facility. It was a chilly day early in the morning and I was sent with a list of things my husband wanted me to buy from the estate sale. I waited in line with thirty or more antique dealers and collectors (she had a lovely doll collection and an array of antique furniture and housewares) and I could see this cement garden goose standing amongst some chairs lined up on the driveway. Boy was I surprised to find myself getting worried that someone might buy this goose before I could claim it. Nowhere on the list was “one garden goose.”

When I met my husband in 1991 and started visiting his parents for dinners and swimming; this cheerful goose named Petunia welcomed everyone at the front door. It was dutifully dressed by Pearl or her grandkids for each of the holidays. When we returned to Michigan after 12 years living in New Mexico, our daughter took over updating Petunia’s outfit. I had no idea this lawn ornament found a place in my heart. While not normally a part of my aesthetic I did not struggle with my need to have it, and it came home with me along with some dolls and a quilt. It was great to see my daughter’s enthusiasm that it was coming to live with us. I think Pearl was as surprised as I was that of all the items in the house Petunia was saved from the sale.

This means now I have a family tradition to uphold, and I am taking the responsibility pretty seriously. Petunia’s wardrobe was a little worse for wear (Raggedy Ann’s handmade dress was torn and sun bleached and her country dress with straw hat couldn’t be saved) but Pinterest was a good source of inspiration. I rejected a lot of the outfit designs that gave Petunia arms, dressed her like a turkey or put her in snorkeling gear- come on SHE IS A GOOSE. But I loved the idea of a hula skirt for summer and she would of course need a halloween costume. I also rejected the idea of painting her. I liked that the grey cement melded with the tones of the weathered deck and the stone details at the front of the house; she looked right at home.

Dollar Tree was a wonderful place to find accessories to help me get started. Since it was summer I knew they would have a lei for her hula costume and I was delighted to find mini patriotic hats for the 4th of July (I have no idea what people need mini hats for if they don’t have a goose of their own.) I fashioned a hula skirt from some sisal rope I encouraged to unravel in tassels. I returned in September and found the sparkly witch hat and a toddler’s fairy skirt that fit petunia perfectly!

Dollar Store hat and skirt.

Dollar Store lei adjusted to fit and made into a hat. Sisal rope hula skirt.

Pearl’s Spring Rain outfit for Petunia.

Pearl’s Easter costume for Petunia.

Dollar Store Hat with an apron from Pearl’s collection.

Remnants of an aged Raggedy Anne outfit.

Pearl’s Santa costume.

Amidst all of the giving up and letting go this little project helped tie my family together. When everything seems quite serious and somewhat dark this silly cement goose reminds me not to take things too seriously and to smile. Petunia says “welcome” at my home now and she does a good job too.

Feeding Donald (our hot compost)

This summer, I found myself with some time on my hands and decided to work on our garden. So off to the internet I went for inspiration! I came across How to build an easy hot compost and I thought I would take our compost “pile” and make it look a little more respectable. It has been pretty amazing. We take our kitchen scraps out to the compost (Donald) every other day. As recommended, I added lawn clippings periodically throughout the summer and now…when I sink in my shovel, it steams! The project cost under $40.00. Next year, the ferns I planted will conceal the bins and the compost will be ready to share with the garden. This is a project I recommend.

The Journey Begins

I imagine this blog will be a place where I can share some of my projects (including the high’s and low’s) and join the discussion happening on the internet about lifestyles in North America. Currently (September 2018) I have so many projects I want to accomplish that I have been doing a lot of online research via YouTube and Pinterest and I am grateful to learn from everyone. Blogs and How-To videos have helped me learn everything from knitting to window installation! Maybe my upcoming 46th birthday has me thinking differently about my voice and my “seniority” as a community member, so it is time to throw my hat into the ring!

The concept of the pirate pieman developed about ten years ago when my daughter had a cat follow her home from school. He is a classic tuxedo with great mousing skills and very little common sense. I often develop a song for each of the pets and somehow the cat was named Simon (formally Sailor Simon Pirate Pieman) after the children’s poem “Simple Simon.” Simon continues to aggravate and entertain and the image of a pirate pieman has always amused me; a little bit tough and a little bit sweet- like a lot of things.

Wish me luck!

Liz

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton